Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
Two words: blizzard sex
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
Randomize