So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
Randomize
