with your own penis?
How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
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