apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
Randomize
