i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
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