When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
Randomize
