so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
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