Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
Randomize
