Apparently every Tri-Delt knows what I did and I am blacklisted from ever dating anyone in that house.
Well ya you lied, told her you cared, took her virginity and then broke up with her at Christies Toy Box.
I honestly thought the dildo was a nice parting gift.
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize