Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
Randomize