so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize
