Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
Randomize
