Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
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