I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
Randomize
