Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
Can't talk, ducks in the car
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize
