shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
Randomize
