My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
Randomize
