I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
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