Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
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