Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
He felt like a one man threesome
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
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