roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
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