Hey man sorry I got all grabby
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
Randomize
