No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
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