allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
Randomize
