Pussy?
how
Wat do u mean how?
Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
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