Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
There r osticjed everywhere
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
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