he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
therell be strippers and coke right?
no strippers. just coke.
i hate this fuckin recession
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
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