paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
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