Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
