So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
Randomize
