last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
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