Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
Randomize
