You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
Randomize
