Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
