My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Randomize
