wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
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