I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Randomize
