I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
Randomize
