Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
Randomize
