Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize
