I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
Randomize
