I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
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