You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
Randomize
