he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
Whatcha textin bout Willis?
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
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