You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
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