john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
you inspire me to be a worse person
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize
