so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
Randomize
