my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
