my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
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