Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
Randomize
