I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
he just fucked me for my cheese.
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
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