I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
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