I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
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