At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize
