he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
Randomize
