No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
Randomize
