So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
I think I just sharted jello shots
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
