p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Randomize
