my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Randomize
