Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
Randomize
