there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
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