Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Randomize
