He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
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