I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
Randomize
