Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
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