put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
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