I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
Randomize