I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
Randomize
