Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
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